Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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