yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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