Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
