ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
