is your mom at the bar?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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