dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
