I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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