he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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