I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
