Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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