She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
