so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
