Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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