WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
