I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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