i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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