I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I intend to get homeless drunk
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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