Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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