Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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