I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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