quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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