So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
