I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
