Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
