sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
