if i died would you start the facebook group?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
