filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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