i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
