Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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