So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
