Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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