ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
