I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
