Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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