You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
