Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
