Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
