I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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