i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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