I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just google imaged poop.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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