Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
