Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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