During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
