I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
