i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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