I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
