girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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