I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
