u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
