yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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