ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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